Many of you may have been wondering what Clooney has been up to since he lost his gig as my online sidebar avatar. I’m sorry to report the news is not good. Apparently he took the dismissal much harder than anyone could have imagined. For those of you that are new to this blog, George served as a celebrity look-a-like for my profile photo for many months (you can see him pictured below during happier times). Once my secret identity was made public by About.com, I replaced Mr. Clooney’s photo with my own, and told him that his services would no longer be needed. At the time he sounded fine with it, and said he still would like to “stay friends.” We’ve all heard that one before.
Anyway, my Hollywood sources tell me that since he was removed from the site, he has really let himself go. As you can see from the photo, he has gained about 50 pounds, and friends say he basically lives on hot dogs, chocolate Pop-tarts, and root beer. George, if you are reading this, please get a hold of yourself! You still have the movie career, and all those beautiful women, and all that money. You’re going to be okay. You just need to move on.