Tomorrow is the Super Bowl, and I think I can speak for all New York Giants fans when I say, "who the [expletive deleted] cares?" So, pardon me if this post is a little negative, but I just can’t get up for this second-rate match-up. By the way, thanks Eagles - you beat the Giants and then lose to the Cardinals? Yo, Philly, are you [expletive deleted] kidding me?
But, I wouldn’t be doing my food journalist duties if I ignored the game completely, so I present below a video battle between the most famous sandwich places from each local. You be the judge as to which spot takes the trophy for gastronomical insanity.
First we have Primanti Brother, a Pittsburgh icon famous for huge sandwiches filled with meat, cheese, coleslaw, and…fries! That's right, they put the fries in the middle of the sandwich. This ensures they are extra greasy and soggy. This place has my vote for "worst sandwich in America." What's wrong with you people? It must be all that rust that's seeped into the drinking water.
Next we have the Heart Attack Grill, a hamburger restaurant in Chandler, Arizona. Its claims to fame are unbelievably high-calorie items like the "Triple-Bypass Burger," served by waitresses called, "nurses," who take orders called "prescriptions" from the "patients."
I can’t rip this place too much, because compared to the national embarrassment that is Hooters (worst uniform ever - the only person those shorts have ever looked good on is Rick Barry), this place actually sounds kind of fun. I especially like the wheelchair rides back to your car.
Anyway, enjoy this [expletive deleted] Super Bowl match-up. If you are hosting a party, I hope your wings, chili, and meat muffins come out nicely. Now, I've seen both these videos already, so I declare that my winner is…Lipitor! Enjoy.
Pittsburgh: Home of America's Worst Sandwich
Arizona: Home of an Exploitative Burger Place Slightly Less Moronic than Hooters