Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Thin Blue Line Separating Me from Serving on a Jury

Starting Monday, I will be doing my civic duty by reporting for jury duty. So, next week's content could be affected, in both quantity and quality. The last time I checked, "producing video recipes," wasn't on the list of acceptable reasons for being excused.

I've always thought juries should be made up exclusively of retired senior citizens, and homeless drifters. I won't go into the specific of my plan, but it makes sense on many levels.

Luckily, I have many connections to law enforcement, which can be used to get out of jury duty if you know how to work it. In criminal cases, you are always asked if you have any relationships to law enforcement. Bias towards the police over a defendant is a big no-no.

So, once I list all my relatives that are cops, I'll be sure to say a few things like, "If they weren't guilty, why would they have been arrested?" and "I don't have a problem with police bending the rules if it keeps the scum off the streets." To be safe, I'll also be wearing my "Shoot First and Ask Questions Later" t-shirt. Wish me luck!

Photo (c) Flickr User Clearly Ambiguous

14 comments:

taitle said...

sounds hilarious - you crazy Americans :)

Anyway love the blog!

Charlemange said...

I was very angry when I was called to jury duty. I think juries should be voluntary. Anyway, in my area they where very professional and tried to make it as painless as possible. I even saw one guy get excused because it was his birthday.

Mik said...

If ever on trial I feel most of us could argue we are not before a jury of our peers. Our peers clearly know how to get out of jury duty, and those whom are left...

;P

Anonymous said...

I've served both, as an employee and in my retirement years. I enjoyed it both ways, but maybe because my employer still paid me, it was good then, otherwise, not so much. Felonies are the best ones, but they take awhile. Usually its a sad waste of someone's life that your deciding on.

You can always improve on the jury's waiting room snacks by bringing in some you've made, and peddling ($) them to all the bored potential jurists. You could also bring your laptop and work on editing while you wait. It doesn't have to be a big waste of your time.

Teresa said...

Hopefully you aren't lucky enough to get selected for a police brutality case like I was. Not good. Thankfully they came to a settlement without the jury.

PukaDog said...

Well, if you serve, perhaps a quick & easy video recipe could be posted for some dessert coconut bars, or praline bars. Could call them "Prison Bars."

Or, "They Don't Have This in Jail Trail Mix."

Or, just wear the t-shirt you mentioned. That should you off the hook and back to cook'n in no time.

childsdish said...

PukaDog,

I love the Prison Bars idea! That got me to thinking... and I couldn't help it -

Death Chamber Barbecue - ugh!

No! Let's not go there! I don't even believe in capital punishment!

PukaDog said...

An on location video recipe from the jury deliberating room would be one for the ages...

Connie said...

I worked for the police dept. I was married to a cop and I still had to serve a few days on a jury for 3 days for a robbery charge. We found him guilty. I thought they would excuse me too, they didn't.

Anonymous said...

...or call it hoosegow chow!

Anonymous said...

I was recently called for jury duty. Apparently, a "jury of your peers" is made up of off-duty hookers, people with 3 teeth, and old people who are angry about having to sit on hard chairs. You should do a video recipe of gourmet prison food -- something like fried bologna topped with a mushroom duxelles or something like that.

Chef John said...

gourmet prison food is an oxymoron, like humble chef. Also, please don't be so insensitive! I have many fans that are older hookers with dental issues.

milkshake said...

how about a video recipe for pruno - amusing jail-made wine from apples, oranges, sugar, jelly sandwich and ketchup

rlwalker said...

I think I get excused from jury duty as soon as the attorneys figure out I can read. At least that is the perception I get. At no time do I say, "We should fry him" or "Time to get this scum off the street." Yet, the juries get picked and I head home ... once again rejected. So much for the senior citizen theory.